Cumberland Times-News

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October 6, 2006

Grace Kelly came from this place?

How do you think Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens will celebrate if he scores a touchdown on Sunday against his former team, the Philadelphia Eagles? Don't care? Oh, come on, you're curious. You must be, because if you didn't take a look at the T.O. reality show from time to time you wouldn't have anything to gripe and bark about.

This is true. I'm not making this up. Aside from youth soccer results, these are the kinds of e-mails I receive each day. Analysts at Intertops.com posted the following odds on what Owens' celebration will be after his first touchdown against Philadelphia:

* Terrell Owens NOT to score a touchdown in the game: 1/1

* Hand the ball calmly to the referee - nothing else: 3/1

* Get a 15-yard penalty for group celebration/unsportsmanlike conduct: 13/4

* Moon the crowd: 16/1

* Run to midfield and slam the ball on the Eagles logo: 20/1

* Kisses Bill Parcells: 25/1

* Sign a Vicodin bottle: 33/1

* Fake his suicide: 50/1

* Sign the ball and give it to Donovan McNabb: 66/1.

If I were a betting man, I would most surely wager that Owens will score a touchdown this week, and while the situation will be perfectly suited for him to simply hand the ball to the official, we also know he's not going to do that. Which is good, because while I tire of all of his stuff off the field, I enjoy what he does on the field, including the mock Ray Lewis dance.

I wouldn't waste my ducats on the 25/1 on T.O. kissing Bill Parcells though, and not because grown men don't kiss on the sidelines -see Bill Cowher and Joey Porter ... Ack! - but because the two of them are not even on a first-name basis. Well, actually, T.O. is, as he calls Parcells "Bill." But Parcells won't even say Owens' name, always referring to him as "the player," which is vintage Parcells M.O. in conveying his sentiment, "Until I tell you otherwise, you are Mr. Insignificant, boy-eee!!"

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