Cumberland Times-News

April 20, 2014

Trivial questions you don’t have to answer

Maude McDaniel, Columnist
Cumberland Times-News

Every so often in this life, my mind, all on its own, generates questions that have no real answers. So I have decided to pass them on to you. I’m tired of them. If you come up with any answers, let me know. Remember when TV jealously guarded the time zone before 9 p.m. for wholesome shows that children could watch. My gosh, how many years ago was that? It seems like another world nowadays, when you can see murders, torture and rape, or those implied, every hour on the hour, somewhere on your public screen. It might be comforting then, to remember that most children nowadays are glued to their little machines with whole different worlds on them, that they can access all day long. Except that in these different worlds they also can view murders, torture and rape on demand.

Question 1: When did the idea of an age of innocence suddenly go out of style?

Question 2. When did hats on grooms and cowboy boots on brides become part of the accepted wedding fashions?

Do you get as tired of hearing “Oh my God” on television as I do? Forgive me if I have mentioned this before, but it is beginning to turn into an avalanche. (Especially if you watch a lot of HGTV shows and other reality fun stuff.) And it’s not like there is nothing else you can say. I’ve been making do with -gosh, -golly, -gracious, and -goodness for years, and I get pretty much the same emotional relief. (Plus they have a quaint effect on listeners.) It would be interesting to know if all these folks who so constantly call upon God in their daily lives, really believe in any such Concept.

Or let’s make Question 3: Is constantly saying “Oh my God” an excuse for those who don’t believe to call on God without appearing to, and thus keeping up the connection?
Just in case. Mmm, clever.

Speaking of House Hunters, I bet you’ve noticed all the real estate agents that repeatedly show their customers houses that are WAY above their stated financial limit? And since (presumably) they only ever show them three houses to choose from, why (Question 4) do they waste time when they know darned good and well, the expensive house hasn’t got a chance. (Or it wouldn’t if the buyers had any common sense.) Here’s another House Hunter question — Question 5: How come there is never anybody swimming in all the public (or for
that matter, private) pools that are shown on this show?

Question 6: What in the world is the attraction of themed weddings? (And, as I have heard of lately, funerals?) These are events that you’d think each would have a theme that was appropriate for all. Wedding — getting married. Funeral — sorrow and hope. Instead I have seen on TV and heard about weddings (and, not so often, funerals, but still, funerals!) themed, for instance, on St. Patrick’s Day, if it’s in March, or dolls, or gambling, or Autumn, or purple. Myself, I like a wedding to be a wedding. As for funerals, I don’t like them under any circumstances, but somehow, say, a circus theme for a funeral leaves me cold.

Especially if it’s my funeral.

My next question arises from simple curiosity. This winter, riding out when so much snow was on the ground, I noticed as I have before, that in the woods each tree trunk is surrounded by a small black hole or circle of melted snow Why even on the coldest days does the snow melt around a tree trunk? Question 7: Can it be possible that trees have body heat? Do you think that the Hyundai voiceover salesman on TV is going wacky? More and more the man’s voice behind the TV commercials for that company are sounding out of control and demented.

Question 8: should concerned listeners band together and demand medical help for the poor guy?

Question 9: Why do dogs have wet noses?

When, for gosh sakes, will Rachel stop calling me about my credit card? (That’d be Question 10.) I have to admit, Rachel brings out the worst in me. She calls almost every week about this non-existent credit card, and I have to admit that I say things I would never say to anyone else. (Like, “Rachel, shut up and go away.” Or, “Rachel, does your mother know you’re doing this?”) I’d say worse things except I can’t think of any, and, besides, basically, she sounds like a nice-enough person. And very concerned about my financial future.

Question 11: Just what is it about orange juice in the morning that hits the spot?

Question 12: Whatever happened to the word “dippy”? I think my family used it maybe every week or so But either we’ve all gotten more control of ourselves or “dippy” has gone out of fashion. And if you don’t know what it means, that shows how young you are, (Or how old I am?) Say “You sound a little dippy today” to me next time you see me. It will make me feel young again.

Maude McDaniel is a Cumberland freelance writer. Her column appears on alternate Sundays in the Times-News.