The old saying, “Never give a sucker an even break,” is attributed to W.C. Fields.
I interpret this to mean that some folks will believe just about anything, and they deserve whatever happens to them.
People apparently loved Discovery’s annual Shark Week until the airing of an episode that speculated the Megalodon shark may not be extinct. A Megalodon eats full-grown whales and appears in a photo to be almost as big as a World War II German submarine.
It was fascinating, but the longer it went on, the more I said to myself, “Self, this ain’t real.”
And it wasn’t (the sub photo was faked). The fine print in the closing credits said it was “dramatized,” but added that “legends of giant sharks persist all over the world.”
Some viewers were highly offended that they had been deceived. A spokesman for Discovery replied that it was the “ultimate Shark Week fantasy.”
My feeling is that if educational TV makes people think, it’s doing a good job. I was fine with “Megalodon” until it was rerun a few days later, with the addition of Tweets from viewers who must have thought it was real.
Come on. Is that the best thing you can find to do with your life? Send Tweets that will run across the bottom of the screen on a TV show? The Ghost Adventures crew did a live lockdown that featured on-air Tweets, some of them coming from viewers who said they were scared.
Some time back, Animal Planet network aired a program that suggested mermaids were real. It was so convincing that I wanted to believe it, but of course, it was no more factual than the Megalodon show.
How outraged people were at being fooled by the mermaid show, I don’t remember. However, Animal Planet later aired a sequel that was as dumb as the first show was good.
The Megalodon matter is covered by Goldy’s Rule 146: Few things should be taken seriously; and Rule 146a: Considerable amusement can be derived by observing the confusion or outrage of people who don’t know about Rule 146.
Americans once enjoyed being fooled. P.T. Barnum (who is credited with saying, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”) got rich doing it.
The newspaper used to run April Fool stories, and it was fun. Our late sports editor J. Suter Kegg concocted them, and Mike Sawyers wrote about a fisherman who caught a sea-going amberjack in Wills Creek.
Some folks actually swallowed this stuff, and most of them loved it when they found out they’d been punked.
I did a column about a Confederate submarine fabricated from wooden beer kegs that was used to hijack a C&O Canal boat and the gold shipment it carried. I said the sub sank somewhere in the canal and was still there, buried in the mud, its contents undisturbed.
A friend called me at home immediately after reading this.
“You (four-word Anglo-Saxonism),” he said, choking with laughter, “you had me going until I turned to the page where you continued the story and all it said was, ‘April Fool!’ ”
Our collective sense of humor appears to have worn off. When I read on the Internet how some folks react to things like the Megalodon and mermaid scams, I just shake my head.
I recently turned to the Discovery Channel and found my new favorite show. Unfortunately, it airs on another network I don’t get, and Discovery was using its reruns to fill time.
“Mountain Monsters” features West Virginians from Pleasants County who search for legendary creatures like Mothman, Devil Dog and Wampus Beast (an enormous cat) that kill pets and livestock and scare the hell out of human beings.
Being a proper West Virginian, I’ve heard of all these monsters and am not inclined to dismiss them as fantasy. Around here, we call it the Wampus Cat. How did it get its name? Probably because somebody said, “Boy, that thing gets a-hold of us, it’ll whomp us good!”
People show the mountain monster hunters cell-phone videos of these beasts, and they build huge traps and go hunting for them with shotguns.
They listened while the Wampus Beast killed a coyote that was screaming in pain, and they caught it in a net that was scratch-built from ropes nearly an inch thick — only it clawed its way out.
This, I said to myself, beats the folks who go hunting for Bigfoot. About the only thing that happens to those people is that they hear growls and something throws rocks at them.
Then they go chasing whatever it is, on foot and in the dark. The West Virginia monster hunters go after their prey through pitch-black woods at full-throttle in four-wheelers, which looks like great fun ... so long as you’re not the one thrown out of the vehicle.
Of course, there is an entertaining Internet debate about the authenticity of Mountain Monsters.
Some people swear it must be real, others swear that it must be made up, and both offer reasons why they’re right and the others are full of what’s left behind after Sasquatch goes to another part of the forest.
I DON’T CARE if it is or is not real, but it’s fun to think that it might be real. Nothing else matters. If you can’t suspend belief or disbelief and be thrilled by a question that has no easy answer, then I feel sorry for you.
I would rather watch Mountain Monsters or the Bigfoot guys than any of that nonsense about spoiled rich girls who have bad tempers, big egos and even bigger bumpers.
Consider also that these creatures (the monsters, not Kim, Khloe and Snooki) have been seen, heard and smelled — sometimes at very close range — by hunters, campers, police officers, loggers, forest rangers and others who are familiar with the woods and everything that is known to live there.
Although I have not seen the Wampus Cat, I once saw its smaller cousin — the black panther-like cat that officially does not reside in these parts. Folks I know who live in the country have seen it, too.
I was in my car at the time. From the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail, he stretched nearly across one lane of the road ... and his tail wasn’t even fully unfurled.
I’m a skeptical man. Never having been close enough to see, hear or smell Kim, Khloe or Snooki, I’m tempted to write them off as mythical creatures that were made up for TV.
But I do believe in the Wampus Cat.
The old saying, “Never give a sucker an even break,” is attributed to W.C. Fields.
Yates fires 804
Derek Yates led all scoring for the week ending March 28 with an 804 series featuring a 290 game at Rainbow Lanes.
Bobby Benton actually came in second and third for the week with a 748 on the House pattern at White Oaks and 742 on the USBC Open pattern in the Sport league. Steve Ravenscroft had a nice 740 at Rainbow and Darren Durbin and Teddy Inman rounded out the scoring with 737s apiece at White Oaks.
The huge woods fire in nearby Pennsylvania shows just how much devastation can take place when a blaze breaks out during early spring. In this case, 900 acres of forest — much of it public game land — became engulfed in flames.
There are an estimated 47,000 deceased veterans whose remains are unidentified and unclaimed throughout the U.S. A group of senators and congressmen hope to do something to
bring these men and women some dignity after death.
For the world’s more than 2 billion Christians, Easter is the day that defines their faith.
The exact date of Christ’s resurrection is unknown, and even the precise locations of his crucifixion and burial are uncertain. This hasn’t stopped some people from saying they know the answer to these questions and others from trying to find out for themselves, or simply arguing about it.
Odds are good that you didn’t know this
Odds or Probabilities fascinate many people. There is a special website called www.BookOfOdds.com and an accompanying location on Facebook at /BookofOdds .This website lists 400,000 odds. Three of the people who are involved in this media display have coauthored a book, “The Book of Odds” that presents some of key odds, drawing from polls and statistics published in journals. The authors are A. Shapiro, L.F. Campbell and R. Wright. This paperback was published this year by Harper Collins with ISBN 978-0-06-206085-3.
Trivial questions you don’t have to answer
Every so often in this life, my mind, all on its own, generates questions that have no real answers. So I have decided to pass them on to you. I’m tired of them. If you come up with any answers, let me know. Remember when TV jealously guarded the time zone before 9 p.m. for wholesome shows that children could watch. My gosh, how many years ago was that? It seems like another world nowadays, when you can see murders, torture and rape, or those implied, every hour on the hour, somewhere on your public screen. It might be comforting then, to remember that most children nowadays are glued to their little machines with whole different worlds on them, that they can access all day long. Except that in these different worlds they also can view murders, torture and rape on demand.
Think it’s not a small world? You’re wrong
Yes, you read that right in the paper a couple of weeks ago. I covered a wedding as a newspaper reporter. I’ve retired from doing regular stories because my primary duties lie elsewhere, and I don’t have the time or mental energy for it. But I agreed to do it for a couple of reasons, one of which goes back more than 40 years. The former proprietor of The Famous North End Tavern told me about a wedding that was to take place at the Lions Center for Rehabilitation and Extended Care, where his wife works.
No Bambi for you, Mrs. Doe
Some people want so badly for deer birth control to work that they actually think it will, even on wild populations.
I wish I had a couple bridges to sell.
A week ago on the Outdoors page we ran the deer there do what deer everywhere do. They eat the easiest food available such as gardens and ornamental plantings. They walk in front of moving cars. They give ticks and parasites a place to live.
We’re certain that Donald Rumsfeld, who served as Secretary of Defense under Presidents Gerald Ford and George W. Bush, echoes what many Americans feel about the complexity of filing income tax returns.
When he filed his return, Rumsfeld sent the following letter to the Internal Revenue Service:
Public libraries remain one of the best uses of taxpayer dollars. They are open to all. Young or old, poor or wealthy, residents can use computers and read current magazines and newspapers. Compact discs featuring a wide variety of music and
movies on DVD may be checked out in addition to novels and other books.
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