So many things I don’t understand.
For instance, I don’t understand how you can always find a van, truck or SUV parked in front of signs that say, “FOR CARS ONLY - NO VANS, TRUCKS OR SUVS.” Why bother to put up the signs if we’re not going to enforce what they say?
And why is the Royal baby such a big deal here? I understand why it is over there, but why were so many people here so giddy and pacing about as though they were going to have a baby themselves? I mean the kid’s still third in line to the throne.
Maybe it’s because at our core, despite van, truck and SUV drivers who park in front of those signs, we’re not really ugly Americans after all. Maybe we’re actually more genial than the rest of the world believes we are. So why not get a little bubbly over the Royal baby, right? As Lt. Frank Drebin once said, “No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate ...”
And is it just me, or does Prince William remind anybody else of Peyton Manning? And please. Enough of calling the Manning family — likeable as they are — America’s quarterback royalty. Ack! No wonder Johnny Football bugged out.
Speaking of bugging out, how about that Ryan Braun? Talk about your bold-faced liars ... Prior to being suspended for 65 games for taking performance enhancing drugs, the Milwaukee Brewers slugger denied not once, but eight times taking PEDs, with my personal favorite being the denial of Feb. 24, 2012: “If I had done this intentionally or unintentionally, I’d be the first one to step up and say, ‘I did it.' By no means am I perfect, but if I’ve ever made any mistakes in my life, I’ve taken responsibility for my actions. I truly believe in my heart and I would bet my life that this substance never entered my body at any point.”
Guess his life’s worth just 65 games as, this past Monday, we came across Braun saying, “As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect. I realize now that I have made some mistakes. I am willing to accept the consequences of those actions. This situation has taken a toll on me and my entire family, and it has been a distraction to my teammates and the Brewers organization ... I am glad to have this matter behind me once and for all, and I cannot wait to get back to the game I love.”
Sure, nobody’s perfect, right? Everybody makes mistakes. And this whole thing really must have taken a toll on Braun and his family, so thank goodness it’s behind him. And I imagine he’s somewhere taking practice cuts right now so he can get back to the game he loves — the game he loves so much that he spent more than a year lying to everybody connected with it.
And speaking of a toll being taken on somebody and his family, what of the original urine collector in this sticky mess, Dino Laurenzi Jr., who received death threats because Braun did nothing but lie? We have no apology for Dino? I’ll bet this all became a bit of a distraction for him too, although this is the business he has chosen. Personally, I’d look for something else to collect, but that’s just me.
What I really didn’t understand about all of this was Major League Baseball saying first thing in its statement, “We commend Ryan Braun for taking responsibility for his past actions,” and MLB Players Association executive director Mike Weiner saying, “I am deeply gratified to see Ryan taking this bold step ...”
Bold step? He was twice caught red-handed, and then negotiated his suspension down with Major League Baseball. Saving your skin is a bold step? Cheating and then lying about it at least eight times and then saying “I’m not perfect” after you’re caught in your lie is taking responsibility? Sure it is, just like the guy who wasn’t a bit sorry he robbed the bank, but who is now very sorry he got caught with the goods.
The guess here is Braun will assume poster boy status for MLB’s fight against PEDs once he is allowed to return to the game he loves, as MLB and the MLBPA both spoke of the positive contributions he would be making in the future, both on and off the field. But with his credibility rating going neck and neck with Anthony Weiner’s, who really needs to see that?
Unfortunately, having now been through several of these PED episodes, there is very little left to surprise us, although word persists that what Braun faced is small potatoes compared to what Alex Rodriguez is about to.
At least something positive is about to happen for the Yankees.
Mike Burke is sports editor of the Cumberland Times-News. Write to him at email@example.com
So many things I don’t understand.
For the world’s more than 2 billion Christians, Easter is the day that defines their faith.
The exact date of Christ’s resurrection is unknown, and even the precise locations of his crucifixion and burial are uncertain. This hasn’t stopped some people from saying they know the answer to these questions and others from trying to find out for themselves, or simply arguing about it.
Odds are good that you didn’t know this
Odds or Probabilities fascinate many people. There is a special website called www.BookOfOdds.com and an accompanying location on Facebook at /BookofOdds .This website lists 400,000 odds. Three of the people who are involved in this media display have coauthored a book, “The Book of Odds” that presents some of key odds, drawing from polls and statistics published in journals. The authors are A. Shapiro, L.F. Campbell and R. Wright. This paperback was published this year by Harper Collins with ISBN 978-0-06-206085-3.
Trivial questions you don’t have to answer
Every so often in this life, my mind, all on its own, generates questions that have no real answers. So I have decided to pass them on to you. I’m tired of them. If you come up with any answers, let me know. Remember when TV jealously guarded the time zone before 9 p.m. for wholesome shows that children could watch. My gosh, how many years ago was that? It seems like another world nowadays, when you can see murders, torture and rape, or those implied, every hour on the hour, somewhere on your public screen. It might be comforting then, to remember that most children nowadays are glued to their little machines with whole different worlds on them, that they can access all day long. Except that in these different worlds they also can view murders, torture and rape on demand.
Think it’s not a small world? You’re wrong
Yes, you read that right in the paper a couple of weeks ago. I covered a wedding as a newspaper reporter. I’ve retired from doing regular stories because my primary duties lie elsewhere, and I don’t have the time or mental energy for it. But I agreed to do it for a couple of reasons, one of which goes back more than 40 years. The former proprietor of The Famous North End Tavern told me about a wedding that was to take place at the Lions Center for Rehabilitation and Extended Care, where his wife works.
No Bambi for you, Mrs. Doe
Some people want so badly for deer birth control to work that they actually think it will, even on wild populations.
I wish I had a couple bridges to sell.
A week ago on the Outdoors page we ran the deer there do what deer everywhere do. They eat the easiest food available such as gardens and ornamental plantings. They walk in front of moving cars. They give ticks and parasites a place to live.
We’re certain that Donald Rumsfeld, who served as Secretary of Defense under Presidents Gerald Ford and George W. Bush, echoes what many Americans feel about the complexity of filing income tax returns.
When he filed his return, Rumsfeld sent the following letter to the Internal Revenue Service:
Public libraries remain one of the best uses of taxpayer dollars. They are open to all. Young or old, poor or wealthy, residents can use computers and read current magazines and newspapers. Compact discs featuring a wide variety of music and
movies on DVD may be checked out in addition to novels and other books.
Terps need to move and move quickly
The good news is Maryland will never have to play another basketball game in the Atlantic Coast Conference. Goodbye, good riddance, sayonara, smell ya, no more of you, stay classy, we won’t let the door hit us on the way out.
Until we see you in court.
Legislation that increases hunting oppportunities on Sundays in Garrett, Allegany and Washington counties has passed the Maryland General Assembly and reached the governor’s desk.
You’ll never guess who the real hero was (He was six feet tall and bulletproof)
Most folks know about the 20th Maine’s bayonet charge that repulsed the Rebels at Little Round Top because they watched the movie, “Gettysburg.”
Capt. Gary and First Sgt. Goldy post ourselves a hundred yards or so away from where it happened in real life. Tourists frequently ask us how to find it.
- More Columns Headlines
- Happy Easter