My phone rings.
“Is this the guy that writes the sports?”
“I don’t write sports, but I write the outdoor column that sometimes appears in the Sports Section,” I say.
“That’s what I mean,” the caller says. “Anyway, I know a guy who knows a guy who saw a tractor trailer full of coyotes come in from Texas and the DNR let them loose at Rocky Gap State Park.”
“What’s the guy’s name?” I ask. “The guy who saw the truck and the coyotes.”
“I don’t know,” the caller says.
“What’s the guy’s name who knows him?”
“I don’t know his last name.”
“How can I get ahold of him to find out the guy’s name who saw the truck and the coyotes?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“What’s your name?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a video of a coyote den where the coyotes brought 14 fawns back for the pups to eat.”
“Did you see the video?”
“No. But this guy I know did.”
“How can I see the video?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who shot a coyote with an ear tag that had the name of an insurance company on it.”
“Where can I see the tag?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a guy who has a friend who saw a DNR helicopter drop rattlesnakes in little blue parachutes.”
“Do you have any of the parachutes or know where I can see one?”
“I know a guy who has proof that the DNR transplanted bears into Maryland.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has proof that the DNR brought the blue tongue disease into (Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania) to knock the deer herd down.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a cousin who has pictures of the DNR releasing mountain lions on the Savage River State Forest.”
“I know a guy who can prove that the DNR makes up the deer kill numbers. You know hunters aren’t killing that many deer.”
“Which DNR? Maryland or West Virginia?”
Show me the video. Show me the ear tag. Show me the pictures. Show me the parachutes. Show me the proof. Show me the money.
Otherwise, please don’t call 301-784-2523 with any more of these stories.
I know a guy who knows a guy who doesn’t want to hear them any more.
Contact Outdoor Editor Mike Sawyers at email@example.com.
My phone rings.
There’s no place like home, or Hagerstown
It took 40 minutes and was an uphill struggle, but in the end Allegany turned what had been a house of horrors into one full of high fives and joyful celebration.
BJ Curtis fires 795
BJ Curtis rolled a 300 game on his way to a 795 series at White Oaks to lead area scoring. Darren Durbin was just one pin back with 794, also at White Oaks. Troy Smith shot 782 at The Bowler, Cary Lowery had 772 at White Oaks and Aaron Courtney shot 300 on his way to 763 also at White Oaks. Mike Sipple rolled the third 300 of the night in White Oaks Industrial League during a very high scoring week.
If you can sleep well at night, here’s why
One of my companions excused herself and said she wanted to go to the toilet and wash her hands before our lunch arrived.
New ‘Cosmos’ debuts on television tonight
Now that our clocks are on daylight saving time, today’s sunrise and sunset are coming about an hour later than yesterday. Yesterday’s sunrise was about 6:38 a.m.; today’s sunrise is about 7:36 a.m.
Beatles return us to what might have been
Here’s a a free gift from Goldy (to your left), and it should get us going with a good laugh, that both my readers will approve of. Then, after that (fair warning) I am going to turn a little sour.
Gobbler stuff can get crazy
Tough, old bird
The third gobbler I killed was in 1990 while hunting on Pond Hill near McCoole. Relatively early in the morning I sent out a couple yelp calls. Immediately, 75-100 yards away, what sounded like three gobblers got into a fight.
Maybe his name will be on the list some day
Even if you have no idea who Doris “Dorie” Miller was, you may have seen him portrayed an old movie. The audience wasn’t told who he was, but some of us recognized him.
I looked for him on a list of new Medal of Honor recipients and was disappointed not to find him there.
What do these vital measurements mean?
A while back, I wrote a column on how the U.S. has firmly held onto British units that the British themselves have abandoned (inch, pound, quart).
Learning from the Masters
Four 300 games highlighted area scoring this week, with CP Sines and Derek Yates shooting 300 at Rainbow and Troy Cubbage and Larry Gable rolling 300 at White Oaks. Apparently, Larry took my article on home court advantage to heart.
He still walks the floor ... but there’s no floor
Here’s a question you probably never expected to hear:
What’s the strangest thing that ever happened while you were sitting on the toilet?
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