My phone rings.
“Is this the guy that writes the sports?”
“I don’t write sports, but I write the outdoor column that sometimes appears in the Sports Section,” I say.
“That’s what I mean,” the caller says. “Anyway, I know a guy who knows a guy who saw a tractor trailer full of coyotes come in from Texas and the DNR let them loose at Rocky Gap State Park.”
“What’s the guy’s name?” I ask. “The guy who saw the truck and the coyotes.”
“I don’t know,” the caller says.
“What’s the guy’s name who knows him?”
“I don’t know his last name.”
“How can I get ahold of him to find out the guy’s name who saw the truck and the coyotes?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“What’s your name?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a video of a coyote den where the coyotes brought 14 fawns back for the pups to eat.”
“Did you see the video?”
“No. But this guy I know did.”
“How can I see the video?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who shot a coyote with an ear tag that had the name of an insurance company on it.”
“Where can I see the tag?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a guy who has a friend who saw a DNR helicopter drop rattlesnakes in little blue parachutes.”
“Do you have any of the parachutes or know where I can see one?”
“I know a guy who has proof that the DNR transplanted bears into Maryland.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has proof that the DNR brought the blue tongue disease into (Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania) to knock the deer herd down.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a cousin who has pictures of the DNR releasing mountain lions on the Savage River State Forest.”
“I know a guy who can prove that the DNR makes up the deer kill numbers. You know hunters aren’t killing that many deer.”
“Which DNR? Maryland or West Virginia?”
Show me the video. Show me the ear tag. Show me the pictures. Show me the parachutes. Show me the proof. Show me the money.
Otherwise, please don’t call 301-784-2523 with any more of these stories.
I know a guy who knows a guy who doesn’t want to hear them any more.
Contact Outdoor Editor Mike Sawyers at email@example.com.
My phone rings.
Life on earth survived some really close calls
Last year at this time, there was a lot of talk about the world ending on Dec. 21, 2012. Of course, nothing of the sort happened — otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this column!
A man should never argue with a redhead
Capt. Gary tells people we do living history. 1Sgt. Goldy usually adds, “With all due respect, sir, we ARE living history.”
Fort Hill’s approach is all-inclusive
After Fort Hill opened everybody’s eyes last season in what was supposed to be a rebuilding year (*1), it was a pretty sure bet that the Sentinels, given all of their returning resources, would be making a run for the state championship this year (*2).
What resource will the O’s allocate next?
In November 1993, Dan Duquette, then the general manager of the Montreal Expos, traded second baseman Delino DeShields to the Los Angeles Dodgers for a young pitcher by the name of Pedro Martinez. According to a story in last Sunday’s New York Times, upon completing the deal, Duquette, now general manager of the Baltimore Orioles, told Neal Huntington, then a member of the Expos front office and now the general manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates, “This trade is going to be hated in Montreal.”
In this case, words represented Beem’s deeds
In May 1970 Bob Beem was elected president of the Fort Hill Pep Club, an organization that was supervised by my mother, Colleen Burke, an English teacher at Fort Hill, and had as many as 200 members in any given year.
Vivian Helsley dominates ladies tourney
A number of big sets were rolled this past week with Travis Shreve’s 763 at the Bowler leading the area. Bobby Lannon had 758 featuring a 289 game at Rainbow Lanes, Buck Lease had 753 at Rainbow while Curt Mullenax shot 753 at the Bowler. The week wouldn’t be complete without a Yates family update. It was Derek’s turn this week with a 300 game at Rainbow.
A lot of American soldiers were there
Gettysburg’s annual Remembrance Day parade commemorates a short speech President Lincoln made there, incomplete versions of which are said to be found in the Lincoln Memorial itself and President Obama’s recent recitation of it.
What life is found on the deep ocean floor?
I recently purchased “Oceans: A Visual Guide” by S. Hutchinson and L. E. Hawkins. “Oceans” is a Firefly book, published in 2008 with ISBN 13-978-1-55407-427-3 (paperback).
Old houses and furnaces and a different world
Nine houses and four dorms. That’s how many places I have lived in my lifetime, and I remember each of them, well, not vividly but with great fondness. Not a one of them was a bad experience, in fact, good things happened at each place. (Bad things too, but that’s life.)
Dave Yates rolls 787
Dave Yates again led area bowlers with a 787 series at the Bowler which featured a high game of 280. Troy Cubbage fired 767 at White Oaks, and Bobby Lannon and Todd Simpson shot matching 757 sets while Tyler Mansfield had 755 at Rainbow. Chad Gable shot 740 featuring a 290 game on the “shark” pattern in the PBA League at White Oaks.
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