Published: May 09, 2008 01:49 pm         

As loved ones age, it's time for a little payback

Today's column is dedicated to my mother, and to Jean, and to Les, and to so many other elderly folks I know that I just can't name them all.

Here's the problem: they are all getting older than they ever expected to get. Things are getting way too rough to handle alone anymore; assistance is needed from their kids, friends and even close neighbors. They have health problems that require medical attention, and unlike the old days when the good doctor stopped by and diagnosed what ailed them, they must go to the doctor instead.

They must feel as though they are a nuisance to whomever they ask for help. Fact is, it does on occasion force you to alter your plans. Yes, it is much more exciting to watch the Orioles beat the Yankees than it is to read People magazine in the waiting room of whatever medical caregiver is being visited. Yes, the price of gasoline makes us think that it is a financial burden.

Now, let's talk about burdens. When I was growing up, Dad worked out of town all day, and there were no cell phones to rely on. All the decisions and all the problems were laid squarely on the shoulders of "at home" mothers. Yes, they were stay-at-home employed, and the pay ... well, let's just say it was inadequate. When the fathers came home, they were already tired from the daily grind, but "let's have a catch daddy," would usually burn off a few of the remaining drops of energy they had left. Do you think they thought of it as a burden?

Children do not make life easier! That's a fact! They do make it interesting, of course, and they eventually can become a source of pride for the parent who guided them through adolescence with some degree of success. Then they can relax? Then they can experience some degree of freedom? Well, they can if their child did not swim upstream and spawn. Now, the second challenge of life is heaped upon those aging shoulders. "Can you watch the kids for us, our 10th class reunion is tonight."

Parents get it in the wallet, too! "I need about $10,000 for a downpayment on the new house we need, you know, the exta bedroom for the baby." Damn, just think of the compounded interest that is adding up on all these favors. Just think of them plunking down major bucks to put our butts through college. How will we ever ... pay that debt back?

If you are lucky, like me, you will never be asked to pay back the big bucks. I have been asked for a lift to the eye doctor, or the drug store, or the market. There were times it got to me, going back and forth. I imagined just like it must have been for my parents, as they drove me all over the county for this or that. When that realization hit me, it felt like a ton of bricks. Could I actually think that I shouldn't be imposed on? Could I begrudge the parents who put me on this earth and gave me the best years of their lives? We know the answer to that one, don't we?

There's more to being a parent than you expected, upon finding out you were soon to become one. There is also more to being a son or daughter than you ever imagined there would be.

I am of the opinion that elderly people can just decide that eating is a burden. You have to buy the food, store it, cook it, and clean up after you try to eat it ... even though it may not taste as good as it once did. They feel as though cooking for one is such a waste of energy, so they nibble. Not on the healthy stuff either, and they pay the price for that decision, too. They think why bother, I can't taste it anyway, or chew it, or any of a myriad of reasons why eating is not that important anymore.

I can remember being told to eat my vegatables - they were good for me. OK then, if that's true, I suppose turnabout should be fair play ... right? But, how can you convince them to eat right, when they simply won't, or can't? I will just keep trying. I was once the kid who picked the onion fragments and the green peppers out of the spaghetti sauce. Now I make my own, and add them freely to enhance the flavor, so what if it's good for me, too?

Lately, I have been digging in my past a lot, not only for these Slice of Life columns, but for the family history that becomes important when suddenly nobody knows who the photo is that is tattered and faded, there in the desk drawer. I decided that before they are gone, I will spend the time with any of them that want to talk about the old days, and glean every bit of information from them that they might have.

I will search out the middle names, and birthdays of the great-grandparents I never met. I will do it because finding that out is finding out who I am.

Our parents will someday be memories to us. We, in turn, will be memories to our kids eventually, as well. Those elderly relatives who are still here are our family, and they deserve to be treated as such - while they are still here. They are more than memories, let's cherish them while we can.

Lastly, just think on this one: You eventually become your parents! How do you want to be treated?

I would like to thank Gene "Silky" Sewell for the heads-up on ex-LaVale Maroon, Tommy Kyhos, not Keoughs. He was the son of a former IRS agent attached to Cumberland. The family moved when the breadwinner was transfered. Thanks, Silky!

Ann Francis DuVall called to say thanks for the nostalgia. We found out that we had several close mutual friends in "the old days."

I was also reminded by more than one that there were "two" teams in LaVale, as I had written about, and then failed to follow up on Orioles history.

I promise to have some info on them soon, but a few tips would be welcome. Let's dig up some more baseball memories.

Joe Dorsey, a resident of Short Gap, W.Va., is a retired employee of the U.S. Postal Service. He writes occasional fetaures for the Times-News. Anyone wishing to share memories of the area may contact him at (304) 726-8482.