Here’s why they’re our highest traditions
Most of what follows was written by someone else, and I have either quoted directly from it or condensed it in the interest of brevity.

Here’s why they’re our highest traditions
Most of what follows was written by someone else, and I have either quoted directly from it or condensed it in the interest of brevity.

It’s warm in that room for a very good reason
Each time I watch newsreels and TV shows that show old film clips of Americans in combat situations, I wonder if somewhere, somebody else is watching it, and he is seeing himself at a long-ago moment in his life.

Mashed or smashed, but better not splashed
When my dad used to tell me about his grandfather, he said he had grown to love him almost as much as he did his father. I understood, because had I felt the same way about mine.

Try it, and you might find out that it works
A friend said his church’s Sunday school had taken on the task of teaching its students to memorize the 23rd Psalm, and that some of them had been struggling with it.

Bedtime is time you can put to good use
A lady told me the other day that my hair looks a lot whiter in person than it does in the accompanying picture of me.

The trick is not to try doing it all at one time
The first time I noticed that some things seem to shrink as you get older (waistlines being one of the obvious exceptions) was years ago while I was dating a woman who taught in my old first-grade classroom.

We can't see them, but they're over watching us
A friend tells me stories now and then, when the others have wandered off or aren’t paying much mind to us. I can usually tell when it’s going to happen, because I can see it in his eyes.

If you’ve got the dime ... she’s got the beer
A lady who works in my favorite doughnut shop read last week’s discussion of Idiot Sightings and told me she particularly appreciated the one about the fast-food patron who confused a clerk by giving her $5.25 to pay a $4.25 bill — the idea being that she would get back an even $1 in change.

This is fun; we ought to do it more often
What follows is a collection of sad tales my friends have e-mailed to me in recent days, plus my accounts of others I actually witnessed.

You have no idea how close a shave that was
I have learned during 44 years in the newspaper business that if I’m curious about something, the odds are good someone will eventually explain it to me without my ever having to ask.

He hasn’t forgotten all that we taught him
One of the folks who visited with us at Little Round Top was retired from the Air Force, and he hung around while my buddy in the Little Blue Union Second Lieutenant Suit talked to people about what happened at Gettysburg.

1958 Buicks did not have a warning label
My mindset has long been that there is so much free entertainment out there, just waiting to be had, and all you have to do is look for it, take advantage of it and enjoy the results.

He pushed the wrong button and was cut off
A friend who long ago resigned himself to the fact of his marriage recently sent me a selection of quotes about the subject from famous people.

It’s now our turn to stand guard over them
Yesterday (assuming everything went according to plan), it was my privilege to play a small part in what I considered a significant event.

When those who cared are gone ... what then?
On a shelf beside my easy chair sits what may be the last picture ever taken of my father, at a Keyser High School class reunion to which he was invited.

Keep one locked and loaded, just in case
It’s unlikely I will ever be politically correct — or “progressive,” as some folks call it (Maryland’s government is considered “progressive) for a variety of reasons, including some of my opinions:
• I believe in God, consider myself to be a Christian and go to church every Sunday I am not sick or out of town

t’s cheaper, but you must work for a living
When a friend of mine entered the Air Force in the 1950s, he was asked his preference for what today is called an MOS — Military Occupational Specialty — and he said he’d like to attend foreign language school and become an interpreter of the Russian language.

You can grow tomatoes, but not that other stuff
Maude McDaniel and I are old friends, even though the last time we met I didn’t recognize her.

What has changed since last January?
Maybe you’ve noticed, but I do repeat myself on occasion.

These two folks really are a couple of cards
The lady got her boyfriend what she described as a really cute Valentine’s Day card.

One of those hands better have a treat in it
A study conducted at the University of Vienna, Austria, indicates that dogs have a sense of fair play.

You could say he was a true chopper pilot
Now and then I run across reminders of the past lives I’ve lived in this life, and this one’s name was Frank.

What this fellow did really got their goat
A news story has surfaced that claims Nigerian police are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

No power can deny him what he’s earned
What happened last Tuesday was something I never dreamed that I would live to see.

He never knew time could pass so quickly
A friend of mine is retired, but his wife isn’t, and he says that occasionally provides him a source of amusement .

It wasn’t his heart that she set on fire
While visiting my cousins over the holiday, I heard a new story about Aunt Frances ... a spanking story.

They believe in us, so we believe in them
There’s an old, old story about a butler who worked in an old, old house.

Perhaps he should have rephrased that
A friend said she overheard a conversation between two women who were in their 30s or early 40s.

Not all of our gifts are left under the tree
Christmas presents aren’t always for kids.

There’s more than one way to dig a hole
A married couple who are friends of mine were discussing the fact that the husband takes things home and never does anything with them, let alone throw them out.

There’s more than one Day of Remembrance
A tall gentleman with a beard and a weathered face, wearing a long black coat and a stovepipe hat, rode in a horse-drawn carriage near the head of the parade.

He survived a ride in the back of a hearse
It pleases me to learn that one of the medical buildings at the new Potomac Valley Hospital in Keyser will be dedicated to my old friend, the late Dr. Robert McCoy.

The only thing it ever proves is who is left
I read about the man who took exception to the presence of the Nazi flag at CanalPlace and have to admit that I had a similar — but far less spectacular — reaction when I saw it.

At least nobody has seceded because of it
A friend of mine asked me if I am glad the election is over.

If you can read this in English, thank a veteran
A younger man sat beside me while I was off to myself smoking a cigar and asked if I had another. I did, and he was welcome to it. He’d earned it.

Granite tablets installed
Black granite tablets bearing the names of Pfc. Brandon Davis and more than 5,000 other American service men and women who’ve died in the line of duty since 1990 were installed Thursday at Cumberland’s Gulf War Memorial.

With age comes wisdom ... but not all of the time
While looking through some old columns, I ran across something I wrote in 2004 about unanswered questions.

This woman could never be governor of Maryland
I doubt that I will live long enough to understand why people get as worked up as they do about politics and elections.

See how far some folks will go for their friends
I have two friends who are brothers.

It’s nothing to get all exercised about
What constitutes “exercise” depends upon the individual, and it can be as varied as what constitutes “style” or “fashion.”

Some days, it’s enough to outrun the other guy
Some of my friends who remember the way West Virginia manhandled Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl are growing restless because of the Mountaineers’ lackluster performance so far this football season.

It’s too big, I can’t pay for it, you can keep it
Because I am a practical man — a trait I inherited from my parents, who inherited it from their parents, and so on — I drive a car and repair what needs to be repaired until it pretty much falls apart. If it still works, and I like it, why not keep it? (Especially if it’s paid for.)

It was the tailfins that gave them away
From my back porch, I can look down upon the streets below and see the rooftops of other houses.

They will get even with you for eating them
Time was that folks would pass around mimeographed cartoons that were uproariously funny, and we’d look at them and ask, “Who comes up with this stuff?”

Lunch begins with a tray of tomato soup
Two friends of mine recently told me about their bucket list, and it sounded like something I’d like to try.

Ask for it, and you probably will get it
If a day passes that I don’t have a learning experience, I consider it a wasted day.

Guess who’s waiting for you at the shop
From Washington comes word that U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens has been rebuffed in an effort to have his corruption trial moved from Washington to his home state of Alaska.

They’re more than pieces of metal and strips of cloth
A friend asked me to omit something from a news story I wrote recently

Nah, let’s go look for yours instead
I was exposed to shopping malls long before most people in Keyser ever heard of them because of my family’s travels to see my aunts, uncles and cousins.

It was a big tail, for him to see it from so far away
So many things that have no apparent explanation have happened to me, while I was wide awake and cold sober, that I now tend to shrug them off or shake my head and wonder, What next?

It was a classic case of nutty behavior
Although my favorite meal is generally whatever I am eating at the time, I lean toward choosing breakfast above all others.

They also serve who don’t make you wait
I’ve wondered for some time what the difference is between a “waiter” and a “server..”

They finished a fight someone else started
My buddy in The Little Blue Union Suit (I call it that because girls of all ages think he’s adorable in it) pointed to a slab of concrete and said, “If you’re ever up here in a uniform of some kind, don’t stand on that thing.”

That’s four down, and too many more to go
“Did I ever show you this?” my friend asked. “I’ve been wearing this for, oh, 15 years now.”

He’s gotten just too big for his britches
It’s overdue, but here’s an update about my friend who had surgery last fall to remove the cancerous remnants of his stomach.

Sorry, but I seem to be having an MEMFE
A fellow I’ve worked with for 39 years walked past the table where I was sitting, and I said, “Hi, Pat.”
He said, “Hi ...,” then grinned and began to laugh.
“I can’t think of your name.” he said.
“That’s all right,” I told him, “because you’re not Pat.”

This might be the ultimate sandwich
I note with mild interest the uproar that has caused businesses to pull raw tomatoes from their menus or produce shelves because of a salmonella outbreak.

As long as we’re here, you won’t be forgotten
“Here it comes,” said Yock. He was driving.

The verbal virus is spreading among us
If you are in the right, something may come along to vindicate you in the face of any scorn

Come see for yourself, if you don’t understand
A friend of mine is a minister, and we met one day while I was wearing my gray POW/MIA (Prisoner of War/Missing in Action) T-shirt that displays the silhouette of a downturned face with a guard tower and barbed wire in the background and the caption “You Are Not Forgotten.”

You just might win, so you’d better quit now
The passion with which some folks embrace our political candidates has always been a bit beyond me

She thinks he’s cute in his little blue suit
For some reason my middle-aged friends and I don’t understand, we’re apt to have a problem with anyone or anything that involves a name. We can easily remember other stuff, but names pose a challenge.

Who knows what part of us we leave behind?
The story is that Thomas Jackson, my cousin from Virginia, fell under the enchantment of a 5-year-old girl who sang to him.

Not only is it fun, it’s important to all of us
Tell me if this wouldn’t make a great poster:

This development will bear some watching
Maryland’s Department of Natural Resources is considering a regulation that would punish people who inadvertently feed bears. (Add this to the reasons I am glad to have moved to the relative sanity of West Virginia.)

You’d better eat it, even if it kills you
We occasionally receive news reports about researchers whose studies produce findings that should come as no surprise to any reasonably intelligent person.

Not all doors open, but some doors might
I don’t know what you plan to do with yours, but I’m going to spend the $600 of my money that President Bush and Congress are sending back to me on gasoline, heating my house, paying medical and insurance bills or for other things that all of us need, but which have become too expensive or hard to get, because they were supposed to be running this country but have spent too much time arguing with each other and not doing their damn jobs.

A Moose told us why we have bad weather
To the best of my recollection, it was my Great-Uncle Paul Goldsworthy who gave the first warning I ever heard about “climate change.”

They’d despise what has been done with it
Few people noticed when the last surviving German soldier of World War I died this past New Year’s Day.

The look on her face was one to remember
I recently had my first homework assignment in close to 40 years.

We should thank Noah and Peter for our steaks
A friend of mine looks forward to reading our letters to the editor so he can see who is arguing with whom, and about what, and the ingenuity they bring to the table.