Published: December 22, 2007 12:45 am         

Call it what you want, it’s a Christmas tree

“Ho ho! He he! Ha ha! Strange things are happening!”

It is always a relief to find out that other countries have screwballs, too.

Fox News reported that efforts were made in Australia to replace Santa Claus’ traditional greeting of “Ho! Ho! Ho!” with “Ha! Ha! Ha!” The premise is that “Ho! Ho! Ho!” could frighten children or be considered derogatory to women because it resembles an American slang term for prostitute.

Other than the fact that it’s simply asinine, this idea has a few practical problems.

For one, I wonder what Red Buttons would think about it. Buttons was a happy, red-headed comic who had a TV show in the early 1950s. His theme song — to which he would clap his hands while singing in a style reminiscent of Al Jolson — went, “Ho ho! He he! Ha ha! Strange things are happening!” Youngsters like me loved Red, his show and his song.

Also, if a kid isn’t already afraid — as a few are — of an oddly behaving fat guy with shaggy white hair and a long white beard, dressed in baggy red clothes, a funny hat and black boots, he probably isn’t going to be put off when the strange fat guy cuts loose with a hearty “Ho! Ho! Ho!” (Santa’s also under fire for setting a bad example by being fat, but why he should be any different from most of the kids who sit on his lap?)

Where will this nonsense go next?

Will we boycott Hostess, which bakes “Ho Hos”? Imagine Paula Greenthumb going into a garden supply store and telling the clerk she wants to buy a ha. What would firefighters use to spray water onto fires? And will Idaho be pressured to change its name?

Santa was saying “Ho!” long before American rap and hip-hop singers began introducing us to an alternate interpretation of the word.

Many words have more than one definition, some more acceptable in polite company than others. Ms. Greenthumb knows what she means by “weed,” “grass” and “pot,” but those terms would have a different significance for a less conventional type of gardener.

A word’s meaning and effect depends upon how one uses it, and why one uses it that way. Don Imus referring to the Rutgers women basketball players as “nappy-headed hos” is offensive. Santa Claus saying “Ho! Ho! Ho!” is part of a long tradition that’s brought happiness to millions of little kids.

Fortunately, Australians reacted to the attempted ban on “Ho! Ho! Ho!” in the way that all rational people should greet such nonsense — with resistance and ridicule. Maybe they will take it one step further and quarantine their country’s politically-correct/sanitize-everything/don’t-take-the-chance-of-offending-anyone types on reservations, where they can’t infect anybody else. It would be a great example for the rest of the world.

What is “politically correct,” anyway? Again, it depends upon one’s purpose.

Every year at this time, I hear it lamented that Christmas is disappearing and being replaced by things that are more politically correct.

That’s (scatological reference to Ferdinand and his bovine brothers). I see Christmas everywhere, in one version or another. A big Christmas tree surrounded by presents was prominently displayed in the hallway of a school I visited recently. (At least there were wrapped boxes that represent presents, and maybe they call it a “holiday tree” — but you and I know what it really is.) Even the faith-based brand of Christmas is on television.

Folks have been wishing me, “Merry Christmas,” for a couple of weeks, and I see Christmas in my church and other churches.

Mine will have a youth-oriented Christmas Eve service with a Nativity play that the kids are writing and producing themselves. The church council (of which I am a member) was teasing itself with the possibility of getting a real, live donkey to be part of it. We knew where to find one.

A lady I know was decorating her office window with a Christmas display when I stopped in to visit. It features a Nativity scene and a Christmas tree, electric train and presents. She had a definite air of, “If somebody doesn’t like it, that’s too damn bad!” about her, and I said. “Good for you.”

So what, if people say, “Happy Holidays,” instead of “Merry Christmas”? If they don’t know me and I don’t know them, how are we supposed to know which holiday the other celebrates ... or if we celebrate one at all? (My uncle’s name was Abram Goldsworthy, and his commanding officer in the Army once rebuked him because the unit’s rabbi reported that he wasn’t going to synagogue. Abe told him, “Sir, I don’t go to synagogue because I’m a Lutheran.”) And how about “Season’s Greetings”? People have been saying that for decades, and nobody’s objected to it.

My Jewish friends wish me “Merry Christmas” and I wish them “Happy Hanukkah.” I also have friends who are Jehovah’s Witnesses — Christians who do not observe Christmas or any other holiday — and others who celebrate Kwanzaa. And what about Happy New Year? There’s more than one holiday.

If respecting someone else’s religious practice (or lack thereof) instead of scorning it is politically correct, that’s too bad. I’ll find something else to desanitize as a way of atonement.

I believe — and not everyone who calls himself a Christian agrees — that we can find a bond in faith even though our religions differ.

We’re all God’s children, and He must have made us different for a reason. Maybe the idea is that we can grow spiritually closer to Him by learning to confront and overcome our human differences.

Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” If all of us followed that admonition, life would be far better for everyone — regardless of our religious beliefs.

My wish for you this day is a blessing that’s common to Arabs, Jews and Christians:

May peace be with you.