- Jim Goldsworthy - Anything and Everything
Hello there, cousin; just who are you?
I keep meeting relatives I didn’t know I had.
The latest one, I didn’t recognize, but he apparently had seen my picture and knew who I was.
You ever tried to cut one of these in half?
There’s a common saying you probably have heard in one version or another (and they usually are unprintable, so I will let you fill in the blanks):
Here’s a good way to spend the afternoon
My thoughts as I wrote my name on the raffle ticket were these: “I’ll probably win this, because I have absolutely no use for it.”
They said they would call if they needed him
“He loved America,” said his sister.
Yes, I replied, he did. As much as anyone I’ve ever known ... and a small, but significant, segment of America loved him in return. I know, because I was part of it.
Nobody ever found that sub or the gold
The old saying, “Never give a sucker an even break,” is attributed to W.C. Fields.
These are some of the spirits who haunt it
Old high schools aren’t like old battleships: You can’t tow them into a harbor, give them a coat of paint and hand them over to somebody for use as a museum.
It is time for another edition of Goldy’s Rules.
They include Rules I recently thought up or heard about, plus some I have long abided by and only now remembered.
Guess which team these guys play for
We returned to Gettysburg for our buddy Bill’s Old Time Base Ball Tournament, which is played under 1864 rules by guys in uniforms that are period-correct.
The Buffalo Girls came out that night
Being a practical man, I once went to a New Year’s Eve party and sat in the living room with the women, while the rest of the men were in the kitchen.
If it works the first time, keep using it
He was, as they used to say, just about knee-high to a grasshopper — somewhere in the mid-range single-digits, agewise.
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- Hello there, cousin; just who are you?