Cumberland Times-News

Jim Goldsworthy - Anything and Everything

Jim Goldsworthy - Anything and Everything
  • Feed them bacon; it will work wonders

    Certain terms or phrases must have been thought up by someone who had entirely too much time on his hands.

    October 12, 2013

  • These two little words can have a big impact

    People usually can find a way to communicate, if they want to do so.
    Capt. Gary and First Sergeant Goldy occasionally are visited by Italians — usually a busload at a time.

    October 5, 2013

  • JIM GOLDSWORTHY It was much better than a $500 dinner

    When Capt. Gary and First Sergeant Goldy took a break from Gettysburg Eddie’s and walked out into Steinwehr Avenue, we were greeted by a cascade of aerial explosions maybe half a mile away.
I will not try to describe it for you, although I know people who think they have sufficient talent and would try.

    October 1, 2013 1 Photo

  • JIM-GOLDSWORTHY-1.jpg You can’t say this has been straightened out

    Let us return to Goldy’s Rule 106, which was part of our discussion a few weeks ago:
    It referred to a piece of road design that thousands of other motorists and I had to navigate on a daily basis.

    September 21, 2013 1 Photo

  • Hello there, cousin; just who are you?

    I keep meeting relatives I didn’t know I had.
    The latest one, I didn’t recognize, but he apparently had seen my picture and knew who I was.

    September 14, 2013

  • You ever tried to cut one of these in half?

    There’s a common saying you probably have heard in one version or another (and they usually are unprintable, so I will let you fill in the blanks):

    September 7, 2013

  • Here’s a good way to spend the afternoon

    My thoughts as I wrote my name on the raffle ticket were these: “I’ll probably win this, because I have absolutely no use for it.”

    August 31, 2013

  • JIM-GOLDSWORTHY-1.jpg They said they would call if they needed him

    “He loved America,” said his sister.
    Yes, I replied, he did. As much as anyone I’ve ever known ... and a small, but significant, segment of America loved him in return. I know, because I was part of it.

    August 24, 2013 1 Photo

  • Nobody ever found that sub or the gold

    The old saying, “Never give a sucker an even break,” is attributed to W.C. Fields.

    August 17, 2013

  • JIM-GOLDSWORTHY-1.jpg These are some of the spirits who haunt it

    Old high schools aren’t like old battleships: You can’t tow them into a harbor, give them a coat of paint and hand them over to somebody for use as a museum.

    August 10, 2013 1 Photo

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