Cumberland Times-News

Maude McDaniel - Living

July 16, 2011

Get your point across but never say ‘hate’

When I was a kid a millenium or two ago, I was not shy about expressing how dumb I thought certain things in the world were. Yes, even in those adult-centric days. (Though I never had the nerve to roll my eyes. )

Mother would let me get it all out, but then, always, after I was finished about how much I hated some kid in school, or something the teacher had said, she would always say to me, “Never say ‘hate.’ Especially about people.”

It happened often enough that it kind of ground a furrow into my brain, so that I have always, well, hesitated (if not hated) to use the work “hate” — about anything.

I think I have gotten old enough now that I can dare to use the word “hate” about certain things. There are the obvious things, of course, like abuse and greed and stupidity, but there are a few lower-key things that I feel justified, finally, at using the word “hate” about. None of which perhaps are very important in the world of good or bad, but more in the world of really really annoying!

I hate the expression, “Oh, my God.” Most of the people who use it quite often seem to rate God pretty low in the scheme of things, so I can understand their using it for a mindless expression. (Although I think it’s funny that God is so often on the lips of nonbelievers these days.)

No, the ones I don’t understand are those who pray sincerely every night and then say “Oh my God” all the next day. (And they’re not in church.) I watch a lot of HGTV and you hear it all the time there.

I hate brownies with hard edges.

I’ve hinted at this before a lot, but I’ve never actually come out and said it — I hate, yes, I’m going to say it — I hate the teenage obsession with vampires and zombies.What a great preparation for the grownup life — dreaming about reanimated corpses and versions of voodoo snake gods. Sure beats Prince Charming, right?

I HATE bullfights.

Also, you already know how I feel about heavy metal and hard rap, and all that. So in deference to my young reader, I’m going to limit myself here to just — rolling my eyes! (Did you know that if you roll your eyes long enough and heartily enough, you can get dizzy? I just discovered that.)

I know something you hate! Puns! I found that out a few weeks ago with my animal pun column. It alienated half my readers, who had only recently returned after my last pun column several years ago. We miss her, and I’m hoping to get her back soon with some regular jokes next time. For some reason I seem to be the only person in the world who thinks puns are legitimate jokes — sorry about that! And I can’t promise to reform any time soon!

I hate Value City’s “I want it naow! I want it awl!” commercial.

I hate limousines! Limousines in general, but especially stretch ones. And it’s not just because they are show-offy. They look like monsters on the road, and they gobble up money you could use better, say, on books. But then I was never much on fancy cars. All I have ever wanted in a car was something that got me where I wanted to go with the least mess and expense.

Dorothy Parker wrote a famous poem asking, “Why is it no one ever sent me yet/one perfect limousine?” and scoffed at the “one perfect rose” she got instead. Well, I would settle for that “one perfect rose” from the right person — or maybe a 2000 Toyota Camry, if pressed. (Just kidding! I already have one.) I don’t actually mind showing off either, but limousines are so crass.

I prefer columns.

Sorry, kids, but I hate (hate, hate) partying and getting drunk. What a waste of adolescence. You never get that back again. And when I think of all the good times I’ve had, I can’t imagine not being able to remember them.

I hate exercise. Just the kind that you do for itself, though, not the kind that happens while you’re doing something you want to do.

I hate pigout contests. Joey Chestnut ate 62 hotdogs in 10 minutes late week. I do not hate Joey Chestnut.

I hate moles. The ones on your skin, I mean. Other moles are cute, at a distance. And, of course, some moles can make some people look cute, Like Allison, G. (not her real name) in high school. I used to hate Allison G. (”That’s enough, Maude.”) But not any more, honest, I don’t. On the bright side, may she rest in peace.

Okay, okay, I’m not supposed to use the word “hate” for people. I succeeded for a long time, don’t you agree? Anything for the column!

(Sorry, Mother.)

Maude McDaniel is a Cumberland freelance writer. Her column appears on alternate Sundays in the Times-News.

Text Only
Maude McDaniel - Living
  • Trivial questions you don’t have to answer

    Every so often in this life, my mind, all on its own, generates questions that have no real answers. So I have decided to pass them on to you. I’m tired of them. If you come up with any answers, let me know. Remember when TV jealously guarded the time zone before 9 p.m. for wholesome shows that children could watch. My gosh, how many years ago was that? It seems like another world nowadays, when you can see murders, torture and rape, or those implied, every hour on the hour, somewhere on your public screen. It might be comforting then, to remember that most children nowadays are glued to their little machines with whole different worlds on them, that they can access all day long. Except that in these different worlds they also can view murders, torture and rape on demand.

    April 20, 2014

  • Rusty writes about the nature of doghood

    I am a dog.
    Therefore I bark.
    I don’t understand why it is so hard for humans to understand this.
    I mean, there are certain things that come with the territory, right?

    April 5, 2014

  • Free-range reminiscing and occasional nostalgia

    When I was in grade school, (many more years ago than when either of you were in grade school) my daily winter (fall, spring) routine included walking to school across a railroad track.

    March 22, 2014

  • Beatles return us to what might have been

    Here’s a a free gift from Goldy (to your left), and it should get us going with a good laugh, that both my readers will approve of. Then, after that (fair warning) I am going to turn a little sour.

    March 8, 2014

  • What’s missing in TV cooking shows? Lots

    As if badmouthing cupcakes isn’t bad enough — I have to go on and say this: I think the plates of food that are winning so many of the prizes on the Food Channel are well — boring.

    February 22, 2014

  • Only one person doesn’t like cupcakes

    Cupcake-wise, the last four or five years have ballooned into a huge plus for almost any bakery that attempts them. (Not to mention the ballooning of many of the individuals involved.) You could call cupcakes the up-cakes of our time. Well, you could, but I guess only I would, and even then only in a column on a very good day, when everything else was go!

    February 8, 2014

  • Some of us are ‘privy’ to certain information

    Outhouses used to be an object of fascination for me. (and in fact I wrote a column about them in 2007. Since we have all forgotten that, I decided to write another one this week.

    January 25, 2014

  • Just the right thing for very cold weather

    Beginning the new year with a tasty recipe always seemed like a good idea to me. Unfortunately, in this day and age, it should be a healthy recipe, and I’m a little short of those. It turns out that the period I learned to cook in (the 40s and 50s) was not noted for its general nutritional values. Although, of course, we thought we were pretty much on course there. Later, the next generation informed us that we were way off track and what did we mean by raising them in such unwholesome habits. (Foodwise, I mean. They arrived at certain other unwholesome habits on their own.)

    January 12, 2014

  • Who thinks these things up, anyway?

    Here are some of the best jokes (of the email world) in 2013. Have a Happy New Year, as I plan to!

    December 28, 2013

  • How do we compare with rest of the U.S.?

    I recently purchased “The World Almanac 2014,” reviewing events of this year, energy, government, science and technology, past and present celebrities, U.S. and world history, nations of the world and sports.

    December 14, 2013

Latest news
Must Read
House Ads