Published: May 14, 2008 11:37 am         

Timesharing with Sawx? No, thanks

My brother Mr. Rickey, who now seems to go to roughly 26 professional baseball games a week, told me he had the itch to go big league this week, and since the Orioles are back in town for the first time in what has been the better part of a month, he said he was going to take in last night's O's game with the Red Sox. And while I was intrigued with the idea of going to an afternoon game, which today's game is, I told him I simply can't bring myself to go to any ballpark and be surrounded by Red Sox fans.

Doesn't matter if I'm sitting in the press box or in the stands, for me, and many people like me, sharing a ballpark with Red Sox fans anymore just ain't the ticket, and just ain't going to happen here during my advancing years.

When you share a ballpark with those blokes, you are, as the law of the jungle states, the hunted, as there is a new generation of Red Sox fans who go to games to be seen as Red Sox fans; not to watch the game, but to let you know they are in The Club.

Going to a ballpark that is not Fenway Park to share your afternoon or evening with Red Sox fans is like receiving unwanted company that never leaves. Although we can't say they're company that wasn't invited since Peter Angelos certainly isn't sending any money back from all of the tickets Red Sox fans buy. And having said that, the Orioles have nobody to blame for this but themselves. For it was the Orioles themselves who gutted their own organization (before Andy MacPhail), taking a license to print money (i.e. Camden Yards) and turning it into McKeldon Library. Of course, if you called the place a library, I doubt many of the "new" Red Sox fans we see nowadays would go anywhere near the place.

The thing is, it used to be the Yankee fans who caused the most heartburn when they came to town. But something along the way has happened to make Yankee fans mostly bearable to share a ballpark with. For one, Yankee fans are likely the most knowledgeable fans in baseball, whether you're sitting with them in Yankee Stadium or in any other ballpark. For another thing, if you're a Yankee fan, the chances are pretty good you were born a Yankee fan, whether you live in Bronx, Newark, or Cumberland.

Unless you live in New England, being a Red Sox fan in most instances isn't the passed-down generational thing that being a Yankee fan has always been, although there are exceptions. Admit it, even if you have been a Red Sox fan since the day you were born, since the Red Sox won their first world title in 86 years in 2004, then came back to win another one last year, you see more Red Sox fans whom five years ago couldn't have identified a baseball from a bowl of New England chowder.

And enough with this Red Sox Nation stuff, and a pox on ESPN for creating sports nations faster than Roger Clemens offers denials. Red Sox Nation, if there is such a thing, is New England - period - and has been for over 100 years.

(And speaking of so-called "nations," to all of the Cubs fans up in arms because new Cubs owner Sam Zell might sell out and rename traditional old Wrigley Field for the sake of corporate naming rights ... Hello? What do you think Wrigley Field was named after to begin with? Sainted Cubs owner Phil Wrigley's Wrigley's chewing gum.)

There is a GoToQuiz thing on the Internet, "Are you a true Red Sox fan?" to determine a fan's true Sawxness. Oddly enough, none of the questions or answers even mention Baltimore's connection to Red Sox lore, Harry Frazee, "No, No, Nanette," The Thumper, Pesky Pole, The Little Professor, Pumpsie Green, Yaz, Lonborg, Spaceman, El Tiante, Pudge, Bernie Carbo, Dan Shaughnessy, or any of the monumental collapses real Red Sox fans were forced to endure for close to a century.

A sampling:

*"How long did the curse of the Bambino last?" (I already gave you the answer to this one.)

*"Where is Big Papi from?"

*"Who was the caveman?"

*"What is a Fenway Frank?"

*"Are you a TRUE, DEDICATED, DIEHARD Sox fan?" - with two answers: "Yes, ya know it, (bleep) those YANKEES!" and "No."

*"Who is hotter?" - not at the plate ... appearance-wise!

*"What is the famous Boston Red Sox song?"

*"True or false: the Green Monster is a wall."

*"What is that fun thing everyone does in the stands at the games called?"

*"True or false: real women DON'T date Yankees fans."

Gak!

For what it's worth, I took the quiz, and what do you know? I got 92 percent and was informed I was a true Red Sox fan - even though I answered no to "Are you a TRUE, DEDICATED, DIEHARD Sox fan?", and didn't even bother with "Who is hotter?"

This is the culture I'm talking about. It used to be the Yankee fans were the unbearable ones, while Red Sox fans had a kind of an endearing charm to them as it pertained to the underdog, the down on their luck, but always dyed-in-the-wool devoted townies.

Now that the Red Sox have won a couple of World Series and Curt Schilling has made himself entitled to tell us we are slime unless we vote for the political candidate of his choice, it's almost as though what used to be one of the most respected traditions in baseball - being a Red Sox fan - has been opened as public stock for the MTV/ESPN generation.

I almost - almost - feel bad for Red Sox fans pre-2004.

It's all just so precious now; it's all just too in. And, no, I don't have to like it. Nor do I have to sit amongst it for three hours.

Contact Mike Burke at mburke@times-news.com.