Published: October 26, 2008 02:23 am      

Don’t be waiting for TV bucks

Why is it that those of us who hunt in Almost Maryland, the Potomac Highlands of West Virginia and the southcentral counties of Pennsylvania are smarter than those big name folks who whack bucks on The Outdoor Channel?

C’mon! You aren’t ever going to see one of us country boys dragging a buck out of the woods that still has its innards. Yet, on The Outdoor Channel I frequently see a couple guys pulling on the antlers of a 200-pound-plus Midwest buck, tossing it on some sort of all-terrain vehicle and wheeling it back to camp — spleen, heart, liver, intestines and all.

What’s up with that? Have the producers decided that it isn’t kosher to show an incised buck belly?

Once I tried dragging a deer that had not been field dressed ... uphill, even. In the 1970s, I had drawn one of the coveted doe tags for a hunting unit in the Blue Mountains of southeastern Washington, not far from Walla Walla, where I lived at the time.

I got the mule deer doe, but when I reached in my pocket for my knife it was nowhere to be found. A couple attempts at dragging the animal uphill were quickly discarded and I sat and waited until dark for my hunting partner to return. He hadn’t forgotten his knife.

Have the hunting shows on television had the same impact on you as they have on me?

The prime-time shows we see are mostly from states such as Kansas, Iowa, Texas or maybe Mississippi. That’s because the camo-clad celebrities are hunting on managed private lands where only the rich or the famous may tread and where big bucks are grown.

I have gotten so used to watching this hunting celebrity or that hunting celebrity topple a buck with massive antlers that I find myself getting fooled in our Appalachian Mountain woodlands. I mean, I look at a buck working toward me and almost find myself thinking that he doesn’t have a very big rack when he is sporting headgear with six points and a spread of 12 inches.

It’s almost like you have to slap yourself and say “Hey, Bub, you ain’t in Kansas. Knock that buck on his backside and get the jerky mix ready.”

Here is another TV thing that seems goofy to me.

A guy drives a thousand miles to hunt a big buck. He gets in a tree stand hoping to get that animal within bow range. A buck appears, not knowing that a human in a tree wants to fling a broadhead in its direction. The buck walks (slowly) through a shooting lane.

And then what? Then the guy who has spent all that time, all that money and all that energy to put himself in a position where he can get that shot intentionally makes a noise, making the buck aware of his presence.

Usually he goes “mrrrrrt,” or “braaaat,” or something that is supposed to sound like a deer. The deer stops and immediately looks in the exact direction of the sound. Well, we see the successful shots. After all, the new compound bows are flipping arrows at more than 300 feet per second and some of those bucks pay the price.

I have “braaaated” or “mrrrrted” if a buck has been trotting or running. I have even hollered “hey, buck” in an effort to stop a quickly moving deer for a bow shot or muzzleloader shot. (I hollered something else at a sow bear and three cubs once, but I can’t tell you about that.) But, if a deer is merely walking, don’t let that animal know you are there. Just draw and shoot.

Here’s something else about the TV hunting shows. They occasionally show a bow hunter missing, but they never show one making a bad hit. Does that never happen?

I think a show describing how to trail a badly hit deer would be very instructional.

Contact Outdoor Editor Mike Sawyers at msawyers@times-news.com.