The Major League Baseball team in Pittsburgh has, hands down, the best nickname.
It is said that the team got the name because they stole or pirated some good players away from another team, way back when. However it came about, it works.
You would think that a team named the Pirates would be located on a coastline. But our Pirates have two rivers that turn into one so that ain’t bad.
My son Ryan has a great idea. He thinks that when the Pirates play the Reds in Cincinnati they should take a watercraft down the Ohio River rather that fly or drive. It wouldn’t have to be a pirate ship. The Gateway Clipper would do, just as long as the players said “arghhh” a lot and had just a small sip of rum. The menu would be steak sandwiches with French fries inside.
Eye patches, of course, would be required. Parrots on shoulders would be optional. Peg legs would be forbidden.
It’s official, you know, that pirates are the only people allowed to swashbuckle.
Walk onto the Town Centre in Cumberland not dressed like a pirate and swashbuckle and you will likely draw some attention. Holler “yo, ho ho” and you could very well be arrested for solicitation.
At the very least, the guys in the bright blue polos and caps will use their radios to call the guys in muted blue shirts and caps so that they can have a conversation with you. The latter bunch wears badges.
Also, the downtown manager and business owners may have a public meeting to determine how to deal with your presence.
Some MLB nicknames are stooobid. Like the Phillies. Who was the ad wizard who came up with that one? Based upon that thinking, we could have the Clevies, the Pitties, the Colies and the Tampies. See what I mean?
Of course the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians likely retain a legal staff to deal with complaints or lawsuits about their names. Speaking of those kinds of judiciary activities, I’m surprised that some support group for very large people — Giants Defense Fund? — hasn’t subpoenaed the team in San Francisco.
Can you imagine a team called the Dwarves?
Although with a team called the Dwarves, instead of having Pierogies or Presidents run a stooobid race between innings you could have Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey and Happy see who is the fastest.
Who could get upset over a team being called the Pirates? Nobody! Well, maybe somebody in Somalia.
And Dodgers? OK, the nickname was neat when the team was in Brooklyn and fans had to dodge the Flatbush trolly cars to get to Ebbets Field. But c’mon, there are no trolly cars in L.A. and nobody tries to walk across freeways, at least not more than once.
And the Mets? It’s not really stooobid, more like “yeah, whatever.”
If you watch the Pirates games on the tube you see that the winning season is attracting more and more fans including those dressed like pirates. I think some of them look pretty real, at least like the real pirates on TV. I’ve never seen a genuine pirate.
You don’t see a fan at a Miami game dressed like a marlin, at least I hope you don’t.
For at least one home game a season, Pirates fans should be required to pay for tickets using doubloons.
Bird nicknames are close to being stooobid. Except for the Orioles, that is. See there really is a bird called the Baltimore oriole. There is not, however, a bird called the Toronto blue jay or the St. Louis cardinal. Any blue jays or cardinals in those respective cities are simply ones that happened to fly across the municipal boundaries.
I wonder if the Pope gets ticked at the St. Louis nickname?
And how would you like to be named after the color of a sock? Stinky, right. Also, relatively stooobid. Or after a letter, as in As.
Or named just after a color, like in Reds, like in Cincinnati.
Maybe every Reds fan seated in the Great American Ballpark should be required to remove a shoe and pound the head of the person seated in front of them when they don’t like an umpire’s call. After all, Nikita Khrushchev did it in 1960 and he was a Red.
The only other explanation I can conjure is that all Cincinnati fans are Republicans. I guess we’ll find out in November.
There are some other cool nicknames, though not as cool as Pirates.
I like Angels and Mariners.
Astros and Twins are good enough nicknames to put them in a distant second place. 2A and 2B.
Any team named after a salt water creature is stooobid, devilish even.
Nationals is an OK nickname, though for it to really work the Toronto team should be called the Internationals.
Yankees could be a neat nickname, but the American League team in New York doesn’t seem to use it correctly. What’s with the top hat? I mean aren’t Yankees from Connecticut and don’t they spend most of their time in court. It’s difficult, being a Yankee hater, for me to be objective about that nickname.
Royals is a goofy nickname. Sounds like somebody named Billy Joe came up with that one down in the boondocks. Kansas City should be the Steaks. Then when they lose to the Phillies some clever sports editor in the City of Brotherly Love could write the headline “Phils tenderize Steaks.”
Where is Tank McNamara when we need him?
Cubs is a decent nickname, especially since the football team in the Windy City is the Bears. Sorry, Da Bears.
The closest Tiger to Detroit is on a different continent.
Have to be fair here. Padres, Rangers, Brewers and Diamondbacks are pretty good nicknames.
But they aren’t allowed to swashbuckle.
Arghhh! Raise the Jolly Roger.
Contact Mike Sawyers at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Major League Baseball team in Pittsburgh has, hands down, the best nickname.
- Michael A Sawyers - Outdoors
No Bambi for you, Mrs. Doe
Some people want so badly for deer birth control to work that they actually think it will, even on wild populations.
I wish I had a couple bridges to sell.
A week ago on the Outdoors page we ran the deer there do what deer everywhere do. They eat the easiest food available such as gardens and ornamental plantings. They walk in front of moving cars. They give ticks and parasites a place to live.
Black bear biologist explains new hunt
The Maryland Wildlife & Heritage Service has abandoned the bear harvest quota system in use for 10 hunting seasons and has set the next two hunts at four days apiece.
South Branch of Potomac River best place in W.Va. for trophy rainbows
I always enjoy the annual roundup supplied by the West Virginia Division of Natural Resources that reveals where all the trophy fish were caught.
Mettiki will once again produce trout
Brian Richardson is confident that the Maryland Fisheries Service will, little by little and year by year, get to the point where full production is restored to the state’s trout hatchery system, meaning that fish will no longer have to be purchased from private sources.
The answer my friend ...
Recently, the Times-News published
a photograph of sea gulls that had
landed on the parking lot at Braddock
Center in LaVale
My first thought
was, “If those sea
gulls landed in the
Gunpowder River or
Big Hunting Creek
on their way here
from the ocean I
hope they didn’t have
felt soles on their
feet, otherwise they
will spread rock snot
to our trout streams
in Allegany and Garrett counties.”
Gobbler stuff can get crazy
Tough, old bird
The third gobbler I killed was in 1990 while hunting on Pond Hill near McCoole. Relatively early in the morning I sent out a couple yelp calls. Immediately, 75-100 yards away, what sounded like three gobblers got into a fight.
Almost Maryland welcomes you back
If you are a hunter in Almost Maryland, circle Thursday on your calendar so you don’t forget to attend the 7 p.m. hearing at Mountain Ridge High School in Frostburg that deals with proposed hunting regulations for the next two years.
Gobbler radar activated
With only 54 days until it opens, the Maryland spring gobbler season is officially on the radar.
Region A buck, doe changes possible
The Maryland Wildlife & Heritage Service, the Allegany-Garrett Sportsmen’s Association, the Quality Deer Management Association and the Washington County Federation of Sportsmen have hashed out a new deer hunting concept for Region A, which includes Garrett, Allegany and the western portion of Washington counties.
Meshach Browning would say ‘Just do it’
I wonder if it is possible to attach a
GPS unit to legislation that has been
introduced at the Maryland General
- More Michael A Sawyers - Outdoors Headlines
- No Bambi for you, Mrs. Doe