My phone rings.
“Is this the guy that writes the sports?”
“I don’t write sports, but I write the outdoor column that sometimes appears in the Sports Section,” I say.
“That’s what I mean,” the caller says. “Anyway, I know a guy who knows a guy who saw a tractor trailer full of coyotes come in from Texas and the DNR let them loose at Rocky Gap State Park.”
“What’s the guy’s name?” I ask. “The guy who saw the truck and the coyotes.”
“I don’t know,” the caller says.
“What’s the guy’s name who knows him?”
“I don’t know his last name.”
“How can I get ahold of him to find out the guy’s name who saw the truck and the coyotes?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“What’s your name?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a video of a coyote den where the coyotes brought 14 fawns back for the pups to eat.”
“Did you see the video?”
“No. But this guy I know did.”
“How can I see the video?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who shot a coyote with an ear tag that had the name of an insurance company on it.”
“Where can I see the tag?”
“I don’t know.”
“I know a guy who has a friend who saw a DNR helicopter drop rattlesnakes in little blue parachutes.”
“Do you have any of the parachutes or know where I can see one?”
“I know a guy who has proof that the DNR transplanted bears into Maryland.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has proof that the DNR brought the blue tongue disease into (Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania) to knock the deer herd down.”
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a cousin who has pictures of the DNR releasing mountain lions on the Savage River State Forest.”
“I know a guy who can prove that the DNR makes up the deer kill numbers. You know hunters aren’t killing that many deer.”
“Which DNR? Maryland or West Virginia?”
Show me the video. Show me the ear tag. Show me the pictures. Show me the parachutes. Show me the proof. Show me the money.
Otherwise, please don’t call 301-784-2523 with any more of these stories.
I know a guy who knows a guy who doesn’t want to hear them any more.
Contact Outdoor Editor Mike Sawyers at email@example.com.
My phone rings.
There must be some sort of Gregorian mechanism I don’t understand that makes calendar time go by faster from Sept. 6 through early December.
Hunter, 90, bags buck
I had the pleasure of meeting you about four years ago during a banquet for the Allegany/Garrett Sportsmen’s Association. I was that year’s recipient of their annual scholarship.
- Happy hunter
Pa. bear numbers reported
Hunters killed 2,308 bears during the recent Pennsylvania season, according to the Pennsylvania Game Commission.
Safari Club winner’s bear killed illegally in Alaska
A Michigan woman who received a prestigious award from an international hunting organization for killing a grizzly bear in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge four years ago was sentenced in federal court in Fairbanks recently for illegally killing the bear.
Three bears recently shot
The number of bears to have perished on Maryland roadways in 2013 rose slightly to 39, according to an unofficial count maintained by the Cumberland Times-News.
Quota met for Kentucky bear bow hunters
Hunters met the quota of 10 bears during Kentucky’s inaugural archery/crossbow season for black bears, which recently ended.
Times-News will use deer photos
The Cumberland Times-News will use photographs of hunters with deer that they harvested during the 2013 seasons. There is no charge.
Venison main course
I have an unscientific observation for
What’s new, right?
Go online for W.Va. hunt/fish info
The expression “information at the
touch of a button” could have been
coined for the newest feature on
the Division of Natural Resources’
- More Outdoors Headlines
- Time flies